You think you know your own family and friends, until the days pass and while you sit alone, attend to your own concerns, then you realise there's something absent in your own contemplation. Perhaps the people you know you know well and care about believe in what they want to, ie. that no news is the best news. Or subscribe to that Asian excuse of minding one's own business and non-interference. It's about giving one another privacy. It may be true, or just a plain excuse for being inapt in knowing one and balancing another. For the most part, and giving the benefit of doubt, you accept the burden on your own shoulder and bare it hard on your own back. It's your own life, and how you make it, who cares...
Like the parable of the Good Samaritan seem to appeal to everyone's good conscience: the passer-bys all kept to their own business, surely, and it took a generous and spirited soul to know when to care and cross the road to make the difference.
I am surprised at the wonderful concern a few strangers have shown me, in my long absence from work and struggle to get busy with employment and earning a real living. They call at my door, pick up the phone to check if I need anything, and most surprisingly, one even went to far as to get the Town Council and the Community Development Council to see if anything could be done to help me with work assistance or otherwise. I was stumped with the degree of fervour, enthusiasm and genuine passion these people have about caring for those who are struggling. Surprisingly, my own family and once close friends are mostly "absent" from any sensitivity to my situation.
Within this time, I find those who are peripheral to my life turning up and helping me with referrals and the occasional "how are you doing" SMS. And, of course some very dear and long-time friends whom I have confided my state of mind and current difficult situation with. I am amazed at the degree of care and concern they have all put up, which seriously, requires a bit of earnest effort. Some are making eager effort to refer me to recruitment agents, forward prospective work advertisements and references to me, etc. Diligently, too, I take these up and do make the every effort to seek out and apply for jobs, and at the same time, try and secure some part-time work that will help with some revenue.
Meanwhile, there are the aggravated cut-backs and almost destitute state one has to contrive to live with. The silence is not as dreadful. Once in a while, you think about what really is this situation going to lead to. But ultimately, it's your mental strength and intelligence that has to work things out, empty stomach or not. I've definitely gained from losing all that extra weight! And of course, I also learnt alot more about what life should really be about, or in other words, what it should be a lot less about. What am I really pursuing?
The best thing is that I no longer fear death in any way. Seriously. Nothing morbid. It's morbid for those who have more fear and I think they stand to "die many times before their time". Courage is about survival, despite a sense of abandonment and loneliness. Courage is also about accepting the humility of help that strangers who come by, offer. It's so weird. I started out to train my body towards endurance for triathlons etc. But in the end, the endurance I found myself learning was all about the human spirit, and its great capacity to care, as well as the sadness that people very near you can even overlook your presence and teach you that in this world, the needy - poor, desperate, sick, imprisoned etc. - are an invisible population those who are busy with opportunity and business have happily got their backs turned towards.
Yes, I am back on track, with help from friends. And as for my own being and dignity - it's taken a beating of sorts, and like all penitential flagellations, it's about depriving oneself gratitiously of pleasure so that in the long run, gratification is greater.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Back On Track, With A Little Help
You think you know your own family and friends, until the days pass and while you sit alone, attend to your own concerns, then you realise there's something absent in your own contemplation. Perhaps the people you know you know well and care about believe in what they want to, ie. that no news is the best news. Or subscribe to that Asian excuse of minding one's own business and non-interference. It's about giving one another privacy. It may be true, or just a plain excuse for being inapt in knowing one and balancing another. For the most part, and giving the benefit of doubt, you accept the burden on your own shoulder and bare it hard on your own back. It's your own life, and how you make it, who cares...
Like the parable of the Good Samaritan seem to appeal to everyone's good conscience: the passer-bys all kept to their own business, surely, and it took a generous and spirited soul to know when to care and cross the road to make the difference.
I am surprised at the wonderful concern a few strangers have shown me, in my long absence from work and struggle to get busy with employment and earning a real living. They call at my door, pick up the phone to check if I need anything, and most surprisingly, one even went to far as to get the Town Council and the Community Development Council to see if anything could be done to help me with work assistance or otherwise. I was stumped with the degree of fervour, enthusiasm and genuine passion these people have about caring for those who are struggling. Surprisingly, my own family and once close friends are mostly "absent" from any sensitivity to my situation.
Within this time, I find those who are peripheral to my life turning up and helping me with referrals and the occasional "how are you doing" SMS. And, of course some very dear and long-time friends whom I have confided my state of mind and current difficult situation with. I am amazed at the degree of care and concern they have all put up, which seriously, requires a bit of earnest effort. Some are making eager effort to refer me to recruitment agents, forward prospective work advertisements and references to me, etc. Diligently, too, I take these up and do make the every effort to seek out and apply for jobs, and at the same time, try and secure some part-time work that will help with some revenue.
Meanwhile, there are the aggravated cut-backs and almost destitute state one has to contrive to live with. The silence is not as dreadful. Once in a while, you think about what really is this situation going to lead to. But ultimately, it's your mental strength and intelligence that has to work things out, empty stomach or not. I've definitely gained from losing all that extra weight! And of course, I also learnt alot more about what life should really be about, or in other words, what it should be a lot less about. What am I really pursuing?
The best thing is that I no longer fear death in any way. Seriously. Nothing morbid. It's morbid for those who have more fear and I think they stand to "die many times before their time". Courage is about survival, despite a sense of abandonment and loneliness. Courage is also about accepting the humility of help that strangers who come by, offer. It's so weird. I started out to train my body towards endurance for triathlons etc. But in the end, the endurance I found myself learning was all about the human spirit, and its great capacity to care, as well as the sadness that people very near you can even overlook your presence and teach you that in this world, the needy - poor, desperate, sick, imprisoned etc. - are an invisible population those who are busy with opportunity and business have happily got their backs turned towards.
Yes, I am back on track, with help from friends. And as for my own being and dignity - it's taken a beating of sorts, and like all penitential flagellations, it's about depriving oneself gratitiously of pleasure so that in the long run, gratification is greater.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment