Earthly Kinetics
I can't explain how the world works, perhaps because our minds are geared to see patterns in what is a pretty complicated weave of causes, consequences and incidents. 
Of course, in this universe, there is hardly anything which is truly random, as every particle and wave, every form and force exerts itself in some way upon its surroundings, and the little understood quantum of laws that should explain everything is far from being easy to put into our current intellectual vocabulary.
In any case, the world turns and we struggle to survive or make more determined effort to influence the surrounding and circumstance. Our personal potency is not always sufficiently kinetic to effect the changes we want, and sometimes or often times, the shots may be called by a friend or foe.
Throughout the past five years since 2002, when the orbit I have travelled seem travailed by adventure and threat, solitude and unparrelled dishevel, I have enjoyed the quiet companionship of a few reliable satellites. Like stars or constellations, these have been my own guide and light, illuminating and fixing my course through the hard and harsh. It is a long, long night, in eclipse and uncertainty.
What have I gained, and as much what I have lost:
1. Losing some of that old baggage, that trash which is wrought from the untrue and the unfaithful - these were good, very good to let go off and move away from; let their own fates rule, so to speak...
2. Losing some long time hopes and expectations based on the eternal belief that people are sincere and fair, of the best intentions and will see through their promises; now, this is tempered by the plain, brutal facts; people are self-interested first and foremost, and almost everything else is a convenience... the truly unselfish are as rare as the unexplainable in the cosmos...
3. Losing fear, about life, about hope, about faith, and about friendship, and about death; this experience we have is an illusion. The stark reality is about the imperceivable spirit that exists, where our tangible and feeble sensibilities cannot fathom or relate, reflect or communicate. It is like one medium of wood to another of pure plasma, conductive when struck, but otherwise as separate as light and rock...
What I have gained from losing all these, is joy, joy, joy and a greater personal sense of humour. But fundamentally, it stems from the knowledge that who I am can grow but I am the same. Some aspects of my personality and ego may take greater form, but I am still fundamentally that passionate and impatient human. If saints are made, then the manufacturing process is unknown to my own fate or destiny. I was made to relish the hard tangibles of a life that is about the human passion and voice. Perhaps within that framework, there is some ardour for the human palate and beauty, whatever and however that may be.
What I have gained, is a profound appreciation for the way I have to live this life: with a sense of my own frailty, not as a limitation of what I can accomplish, but knowing where the effort and will must endure the transformation and process of becoming. I may last through it, postpone success, or give up altogether (?), or struggle on, with different strategies and tactics until I am...
But most of all, is the sense of peace, which wells up from accepting that mistakes made, and the foolishness that comes with the ego at work. Some advice I have received have been great, even if the messenger was less than true or faithful, or at least useful for deeper reflection and then when you realise that what was given to you was false, you understand better why you need to reject offers and opportunities in relationships that simply will not work. These people themselves may not know it, but their own perceptions and manner of life is cancer. The best defence is to accord peace, avoid trial and confrontation, and communicate kindness which may not heal or transform (nothing miraculous!), but it will shore up our own immunity against an eventual travail.
Peace, in all its forms, cannot be faked.
=================================
Did a great sprint this morning, and noticed all the figs that fell on along the route. Picked up a select handful and brought them to my parent's place for their pair of "love birds" named Jack and Jill to feast on. Oddly, I was in my running tights only and my parents did not even "wink" at my lack of clothing. That was comforting, as I was sweaty and dripping! Got an ice lolly and headed home where I quickly showered and headed to Allison's home to get errands done for her with Stan's car. The whole afternoon was otherwise peaceful, perforated by little Elliot's cholic. He obviously misses the comfort of his nanny and demands quite a bit of Allison's attention, which he would not let up from. It must have been tiring for her! Evening was a full flush at MORTON's with Ah Yoke, a sumptuous meal: I had a Porterhouse steak medium rare, which was excellent of the highest order, appetizers of scallop wrapped in bacon steak and flavoured with apricot chutney, salad filled with blue cheese crumps, and a wholesome desert platter which included fresh raspberries with cream, creme bruie, and chocolate cake. There was the Sonoma County (Gloria Ferrer) Pinot Noir, a macchiato and Cointreau. This is contemplation of the highest order, ZaZen or eucharist, and I did praise the good Lord!
Of course, in this universe, there is hardly anything which is truly random, as every particle and wave, every form and force exerts itself in some way upon its surroundings, and the little understood quantum of laws that should explain everything is far from being easy to put into our current intellectual vocabulary.
In any case, the world turns and we struggle to survive or make more determined effort to influence the surrounding and circumstance. Our personal potency is not always sufficiently kinetic to effect the changes we want, and sometimes or often times, the shots may be called by a friend or foe.
Throughout the past five years since 2002, when the orbit I have travelled seem travailed by adventure and threat, solitude and unparrelled dishevel, I have enjoyed the quiet companionship of a few reliable satellites. Like stars or constellations, these have been my own guide and light, illuminating and fixing my course through the hard and harsh. It is a long, long night, in eclipse and uncertainty.
What have I gained, and as much what I have lost:
1. Losing some of that old baggage, that trash which is wrought from the untrue and the unfaithful - these were good, very good to let go off and move away from; let their own fates rule, so to speak...
2. Losing some long time hopes and expectations based on the eternal belief that people are sincere and fair, of the best intentions and will see through their promises; now, this is tempered by the plain, brutal facts; people are self-interested first and foremost, and almost everything else is a convenience... the truly unselfish are as rare as the unexplainable in the cosmos...
3. Losing fear, about life, about hope, about faith, and about friendship, and about death; this experience we have is an illusion. The stark reality is about the imperceivable spirit that exists, where our tangible and feeble sensibilities cannot fathom or relate, reflect or communicate. It is like one medium of wood to another of pure plasma, conductive when struck, but otherwise as separate as light and rock...
What I have gained from losing all these, is joy, joy, joy and a greater personal sense of humour. But fundamentally, it stems from the knowledge that who I am can grow but I am the same. Some aspects of my personality and ego may take greater form, but I am still fundamentally that passionate and impatient human. If saints are made, then the manufacturing process is unknown to my own fate or destiny. I was made to relish the hard tangibles of a life that is about the human passion and voice. Perhaps within that framework, there is some ardour for the human palate and beauty, whatever and however that may be.
What I have gained, is a profound appreciation for the way I have to live this life: with a sense of my own frailty, not as a limitation of what I can accomplish, but knowing where the effort and will must endure the transformation and process of becoming. I may last through it, postpone success, or give up altogether (?), or struggle on, with different strategies and tactics until I am...
But most of all, is the sense of peace, which wells up from accepting that mistakes made, and the foolishness that comes with the ego at work. Some advice I have received have been great, even if the messenger was less than true or faithful, or at least useful for deeper reflection and then when you realise that what was given to you was false, you understand better why you need to reject offers and opportunities in relationships that simply will not work. These people themselves may not know it, but their own perceptions and manner of life is cancer. The best defence is to accord peace, avoid trial and confrontation, and communicate kindness which may not heal or transform (nothing miraculous!), but it will shore up our own immunity against an eventual travail.
Peace, in all its forms, cannot be faked.
=================================
Did a great sprint this morning, and noticed all the figs that fell on along the route. Picked up a select handful and brought them to my parent's place for their pair of "love birds" named Jack and Jill to feast on. Oddly, I was in my running tights only and my parents did not even "wink" at my lack of clothing. That was comforting, as I was sweaty and dripping! Got an ice lolly and headed home where I quickly showered and headed to Allison's home to get errands done for her with Stan's car. The whole afternoon was otherwise peaceful, perforated by little Elliot's cholic. He obviously misses the comfort of his nanny and demands quite a bit of Allison's attention, which he would not let up from. It must have been tiring for her! Evening was a full flush at MORTON's with Ah Yoke, a sumptuous meal: I had a Porterhouse steak medium rare, which was excellent of the highest order, appetizers of scallop wrapped in bacon steak and flavoured with apricot chutney, salad filled with blue cheese crumps, and a wholesome desert platter which included fresh raspberries with cream, creme bruie, and chocolate cake. There was the Sonoma County (Gloria Ferrer) Pinot Noir, a macchiato and Cointreau. This is contemplation of the highest order, ZaZen or eucharist, and I did praise the good Lord!
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