The Weird and Wonderful? Mental health of the aged a concern

When my mother was alive, she might come back from some community grassroots or church ministry meeting and relate an incident in her usual candour, and even haphazard manner. Then referring pointedly to a character in the dramatis personae, she may add "Aiyah (a local slang expression akin to "oh well anyway") that person is just psycho!" I would tease her and say, "Mum, may be that person is saying the same thing about you!" It is easy to develop a perception that all the retired men, elderly housewives and enthusiastic fired-up Christians mingled together might produce a melting-pot of personalities. And within that psycho-drama is a wide spectrum of idiosyncrasies, phobias, neuroses, psychoses etc. with the healthy minded as well as those who may be borderline mentally ill. No wonder it takes God's goodness and Spirit to allow anything to work and get done! When you look at Greenpeace and other non-Church affiliated interest groups, the same sort of psychological spectrum seems to emerge. May be among volunteers there is more openness to embrace people seeking to "belong" and to develop a greater sense of "affirmation and identity". In that sense I can understand St Paul's proposition that as "much (as) sin increased, grace was always greater" (Romans 5:20). Maybe I should substitute the word "sin" for the more generic "weakness" or "flaw" or "fault", to be politically correct. Just this morning, as I was seated at McDonald's at Block 109, Lorong One, Toa Payoh, to access the Internet via the public wi-fi network and enjoy my Boncafe coffee, one of the elderly neighbours appeared. His name is Patrick Ng. A retired gentleman who was formerly with OCBC Bank, he was retired earlier in his career and this may have resulted in some deep and unresolved bitterness. But he affirmed himself in his faith and is very visible in many church liturgies and apostolates, particularly those that appealled to his intellect as he is very educated. He plays being modest for the most part but he is easily irritable and has no tolerance for other people's foibles or ego. Sure, while he aware of his own ego, he makes no excuse for the absurd behaviours of others. He is aware of his own arrogance and may admit to it, but will stubbornly not make any accommodation to soften his own manner towards others. That would be condescending to his mind, a compromise, and to justify his stance, he would quote from all sorts of sources from St Bernard to the Gospels. At first I was always respectful and dignified towards him, and would accomodate him. Now, after five years, I have tried never to bear down on his hypocrisy, simply because he was elderly and the sort of conceit that comes with age encumbered with a great deal of repressed history begs one to be kind and unjudging. This morning, as I bought Patrick a cup of hot Lipton tea at McDonald's, his behaviour seemed to be unusal. He always spoke very loudly; in fact, in church, he would bellow more than sing, and everyone in the congregation might know he is present and whereabouts he is. He would sit in the pew reading something else while the Mass is underway, and at the places where the "people respond", he would bellow the verse or prayer out loudly without the slightest interest. Of course, he may debate this behaviour and retort: "I don't care what other people say, but I know what I am doing." This echoes very familiarly the same attitude and idea my father has of his own foibles and manners. It is a very blinkered view which seems to have been fostered by a particular colonnial influence when Singapore was governed by the British. I think the word is "elitism" maybe. What the real reason, Patrick would always speak loudly, or "projecting" his voice as he would put it. When he is irritated or upset, he would take a more belligerent tone and assault his victim with his grandoise vocabulary and command of the English language. Every now and then he would entice me into one of his matches which I would edge back from, conceding to the use of a concise word or a well-known phrase to avoid aggravating him. What was unusal today was Patrick's more odd behaviour, an increased irritability, slight forgetfulness, but I could appreciate that his mind was actively at work, trying to maintain relevance and coherence, at the same time cognizant of his need to be dignified. The effort he takes to maintain that dignity is almost like a struggle against the rising tide. As I reflect on his behaviour, it becomes more apparent that he may be aware that his faculty of mind may be diminishing, but at the same time, his personality may be more uncontrolled. He was more verbally aggressive because of his increased irritability, and I wonder if he might lose it someday altogether and end up talking to himself and become delusional. This is different from the type of neurosis I see in my own father, which stems from a history of stoic repression and a particular brand of upbringing and circumstance. Such men in the days of Mountbatten may be admired, but today, they are mired down and ignored. Society at large seems to have evolved standards as to what makes for healthy minds among the greying population. When I visited my European friends and sat down with their elderly parents in their living room on a Sunday afternoon, the sort of conversation that takes place quickly informs you that the family is connected at a deeper level, and that their father's mind is still active. Lately, I have heard that Alzeihmer's have struck the old man, and his sense of perception and ability to acknowledge his surroundings has deteriorated, although his general quality of life remains quite good. Patrick's quality of life is no doubt excellent, given his health and mobility, alertness and irascibility. But somewhere between all that is fine, something new loomed large today: it was nothing demonic although there was a hint of wickedness and stubborness if there's any devil there. It seemed like he was tweetering over and soon may be quite likeKing Lear in his madness. I fret to think that there are more and more elderly people who are less and less connected with the world around them, like Patrick. And, like my own father, the fault may be in their own upbringing and belief-system which is entrenched over a life of circumstance and personal bigotry repressed and white-washed. The mental health of the elderly is real concern: those who are not self-aware become more stubborn and hardened in their ways. There is nothing to fight about, or try and change. The saddest thing is that dealing with them based on your personal life history results in a whole palette of issues to be put up with. It is easier not to disturb anyone's peace and remove these issues altogether. I find it wisest and best to avoid any engagement. I think death can be physical or psycho-emotional. In some ways, we all are either best as children or orphans. Now, as I become more aware of my maturation, I can see that there can be peace after a beloved parent dies, and when that happens, it is a defining event in one's life. Not that my mother's recent passing defines me that way: rather, that after her loss, I better understand life as being more completed.