Wednesday, August 20, 2008

ABOUT HEAD - MY NEW RACQUET

It may sound like I'm making a racket about this racquet, but the HEAD Metallix S10 I ordered from World of Sport fell through and after run abouts with the merchandiser and their principals, all I was left with was "Er, the size you want 4 1/2 the prinicipal say they don't carry anymore as it is not popular." So, my option was for 4 3/8 and sprained forearms maybe. Then I get a call from the World of Sports staff: "Sorry, we ran out of stock." But I thought there was one at the store. "We only have s8 now, but the size is also not your size. The merchandiser say they don't carry 4 1/2 because it is not saleable." You know, I have been in sports retail before and all this is rubbish, unless we are only selling racquets to the very young and smallish people. These days, perhaps the bigger, taller tennish players must be buying Wilsons or Balolat and from Royal Sporting House or XXX sports shop at Queensway or Lucky Plaza! But the staff at this World of Sports outlet was trying very hard and her perseverance deserves appreciation from this customer. So, I didn't give up and poked my nose around... before long I settled for the HEAD Intelligence S12. Here are the specifications:
  • Length: 28"
  • Head Size: 115"
  • Weight: 8.1 oz.
  • Balance: 1pt HL
  • Cross Sect1on: 28.50mm
  • Type of Swing: Compact strokes
  • String Tension:5766 lbs
  • Ra:
  • Flex: Stiff
  • Features: Pre-Strung with IntelliString string at mid tension
And a professional reviewer has this to say about it too: "First things first: The Head i.S10 and i.S12 play a lot alike, although the i.S12 is longer and has a slightly thicker beam. Like the i.S10, the i.S12 has piezoelectric fibers in the throat to give the stick more pop than a champagne bottle, so players with long strokes should look elsewhere, unless they like hitting the backstop on the fly. Beginner testers loved the giddy-up they got on their volleys and ground strokes courtesy of the super-stiff frame. 'I’d just block the ball and it would go nice and deep, and the control wasn’t bad either,' said one 3.0 NTRP player. Another source of the i.S10’s and i.S12’s power is the open 14 by 17 string pattern, which, it should be noted, may also cause the strings to prematurely snap (there’s more string movement and thus more friction). This racquet plays best with a vibration dampener; without one, it makes a loud 'ping.' The same goes for the i.S10." So, I finally have my racquet to make "ping" on the lawn, again. The funny thing is, my tennis mates are now playing badminton. Yonnex? I must be lagging behind the court fads.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

beLOW ZERO - New Diver Timepiece from Hamilton

Now that Hamilton has been acquired by the Swiss SWATCH Group, there have been some very terrific timepieces in their new product line up. From their very first release since the acquisition, I bought the KHAKI Air Race, which I remember Jordan liking it quite much. After this young man's death, I gave that favourite timepiece to one of his best friends, James. Last year, I bought the X-WIND Limited Edition Black Stainless Steel, which was quickly a favourite (why else get it?). But when I uncovered the back case protective plastic, we found that the sapphire crystal black cover was chipped. I sent it back under the warranty claims, and instead, had to pay for the new crystal, even when it was brand new. I think this was more a problem with the local agent - Watches of Switzerland - than Hamilton/SWATCH per se. Anyway, I paid - or I wouldn't get my watch back; what would you do? Then I noticed the brand new line up of Art Deco - Panel Dial designs from the 2008 line-up, which are called beLOW ZERO, notably because of the hard steel case and bold look that has been made famous by brands like Panterai, U-Boat, Bell & Ross etc. But being from SWATCH Group, you can expect some incredible finishing quality from them for the casings. While I put OMEGA up there as my top watch brand (also from the same Group), I did not want to get another, having given my SEAMASTER to my nephew Gerard for this 21st. I wanted simply wanted a watch brand that is fairly "undiscovered", has genuine heritage, great modernity yet appeals to the conservative-art inclined few. A tough combination, but I found that in BALL watches which is why I bought their 18kt Rose Gold timepiece as a personal keepsake. But with the new (30 March 2008) beLOW ZERO silver face DIVER watch with helium release (depth to 1000m) and resin strap from Hamilton, I could not resist. It's a tad chunky. But it was exactly the sort of watch I wanted back on my wrist apart from my more functional Polar and Timex training ware. This watch makes you feel so good, you want to head out of the house just to get it noticed! Specifications: BeLOWZERO Auto 2826 Size : 46 mm Material : Stainless steel/ Black PVD Dial Color : Black / silver Attachments : Black rubber / black rubber & stainless steel mixed Movement : Automatic 2826 - ETA 2824-2 Crystal : Sapphire Water resistance : 1000 m

ANTIVIRUS PRO 2008 INFECTED IE 7.0 - GET FIREFOX!

I surrendered to getting BitDefender 2008 to supplement my NOD32 on antivirus, but mainly because it had 24/7 Singapore-based support, and included what it said was the best anti-Spyware and malware. Despite some pretty confusing installation options that was disruptive (like loading in the CD to install but the pop-up asks if you want to download a newer version... "sure"... and it hangs). So you just install what's on the CD and it's fine. That sort of thing. Very common even in the stores which try too hard to be customer-oriented when there aren't the right resource processes to support the options. Go into a store, and the sign says "If we don't have what you want, tell us and we will get it for you." You go to the store person and report your request, and the first thing you hear back is, "All we have is already on the store shelf, sir." Very polite, right. It's even more sad that while you want to be nice to all these migrant and foreign language-speaking workers, you just have to hear this sort of thing voiced back to you. I am sure it's not their fault. But all this just adds up to consumer frustration, and eventually, dislike for these sort of workers when they are stereotyped as polite but useless. Anyway, have you ever tried uninstalling Microsoft IE 7.0 on Vista in your laptop/PC? Tried all sorts of ways? Well, now you know how well embedded IE is on the Windows platform. You are stuck in hell, which is where those engineers are going for sure if God was ever on the Internet. I must recommend FireFox browser and I can only say, just use your IE 7.0 for your Windows operation. That stupid application is so vulnerable to Trojans, worms, malware and other adware crap that once you are hit, you can't properly resolve, even if you want to reinstall IE 7.0. For the average PC user, you just feel like you needed to get a college degree on Windows just to live on earth.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Antivirus PRO 2008 - Proof Why NOD32 & Windows Spyware Sucks

I spent heaps installing original Microsoft software and other antivirus and spyware applications. But all it took was one second of carelessness when I was on the phone and browsing at the same time when I saw a pop-up which offered the Antivirus Pro 2008 and while I usually close these, this particular one on my Internet Explorer 7 was hostile but I had no idea then how malicious it would be. Despite all efforts updating my security settings and apparently removing the affected file(s), on Internet Explorer 7, it is still viciously attacking all my pop-up webpages with a fake/clone "security risk" notification and blanking out my browser. Tried all sorts of advice available through Google (which nowadays needs to be renamed "Garbage" because of the sheer overload to nonsense which cannot be filtered out), and most of the advice seem like geekspeak. Worse still, even when following these, you have promo ads to download more spyware with free 90-day trial, which for all we know - might be more predatory and malicious then the first Trojan virus. Which leads you to think: would you - like me - not thought of buying even more expensive security defense software (spyware, adware, blahware and getting-absolutely-no-where...) if not for these very successful and malicious viruses. The conspiracy theory is probably all fact. It is almost certain that today - given the decaying moral and ethical climate - that the sure-fire way to make money is to fix what is broke, only if you succeed in ways to tell the consumer that what he has (and needs every day...) is broke. So, my IE7.0 is broke and you can't get proper advice from Microsoft either on reinstalling. But if you are in Singapore, you can order a CD to be sent to you for about SGD40. So, maybe the Utopian world needs a global technological disaster so instaneous that it will make urban life untenable and set us back to 30,000 BC in the stone age. I am packing my flint, axe, chisel and pan. Meanwhile, I am totally at the mercy of these mercenary system fixers.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Phenomenal Phelps... The Greatest Olympian Ever

When your days are as free and easy as mine nowadays, you wake up to immediate lethargy and restlessness, with the full day of scheduled appointments and events being "optional" and in reality, "tentative". But this morning, I had timed my cable set-top box on the Olympic Men's Swimming event results. Immediately, I felt the adrenaline rush and my heart racing. Who needs nitric oxide to feel pumped when right before my eyes human sporting history was simply being made.
The amazing feat that has been accomplished by that phenomenal fish called Phelps is - as the BBC and US media say - beyond all available adjectives in the thesaurus - for "great". I was genuinely inspired. Like Thrope before him (see my earlier blogs), any human fish would be secretly admiring this "Great One". We would quietly be observing every underwater film on him which might yield any secret which would "shave seconds" off our poor technique. As if. Well, I think it is just how sports can inspire and these Great Ones do just that without any additional effort - they inspire. Phelps is just terrific to watch underwater. He is extremely lithe and streamline underwater, and those size 14 feet just make me want my size 11.5 US to grow... But poor things, Phelps we aren't. Which is why he is so fascinating to watch. The mystique around his training and development is another factor. Trade or national secrets. The FBI might be spying who's asking.
But Singapore has yet to find out own. I was just very proud still to see compatriot Bryan Tay (namesakes!) do his bit. It was not as great as his own personal best, but a champion like our other national swimmers, too. They are great to watch, but regrettably, we don't have a strong local sports media that is run like PBS to build up the audience and public interest. Instead, the dearth of commercial appeal is the reason why we don't get to watch top Singapore sporting stars "doing their thing" on a daily basis. Perhaps that's for the the future to make better.
Anyway, I found myself at the Mountbatten Pool to do laps in the late afternoon after my short work out at California Fitness (Orchard Building) this afternoon. It was great to see so many little children jumping in to the deep pool doing freestyle laps under the watchful eyes of their swim coaches. Swimming is something Singapore should invest even more in. I don't understand why the Sports Council and public works designers don't realise that we need more lane pools. The wading and children's pools are simply under utilised, and wasted being empty. I think twin lane pools are needed to encourage more lap training - which triathletes and other swimming enthusiasts can attest is much needed. Instead, every day, at any one time, there are disruptive activities at these deep pools because of swim school activities, children playing and so forth. These future Phelp-fishes aren't interested in the shallow water pools.
It is a problem that needs to be fixed, but like all things in centrally governed and engineered Singapore, you just have to wait until the Politburo sees the "light of day" and suddenly (perhaps in my decimated old age by then) things will change and we will have more deep lane pools.
Until then, serious swim training is a privilege for the elite who have access to private club pools where the water is sumptuously pristine, and available at pre-dawn hours to these talented ones. But I lament as a leisure athlete and longtime phish-Phelps-Thorpe fan who was once called "Fish" by my pals because of my ability to swim endlessly. For now, we don't just battle the schedules and lethargy for opportunity; when it comes, we battle those little ones and others who have no idea what lane swimming is, and even as swimmers, they just hijack your lane and swim right into you. But as swimming coaches know, these are usually those freestylists who have yet to get their twist and balance right.
But the whole point is to celebrate the incredible feat of one Michael Phelps, who today - with 11 Gold Medals tucked and three events more to go, is already the Greatest Olympian ever. Oh, I guess the million fans who prayed like me for his success may have had something to do with it, too! What a HERO this guy is!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Across Court - Quite A Racquet

The Ten-year Tennis itch has struck again, and with the new HEAD CrossBow racquet available I simply could not resist. The only problem now the supplier merchandiser has is getting me the 4 1/2 size as they only imported the 4 3/8 which I am afraid will slip for me. Read the review on this racquet at: http://www.tennis-warehouse.com/descpageRCHEAD-HCB10.html While I wait for World of Sports to get the desired size and string my paid-for racquet, now I just need to look for a tennis-kaki (Malay for "buddy" or "mate") to get into court and play.

Sights Tonight in the Night Sky

On 11 August evening, Monday, I noticed a break in the sky at about 2230 hrs and quickly carried my NexStar 5 down to a dark spot below my block of flats. There, I quickly got the waxing half moon in sight and what an incredible vision it was. Bright and silver, with the high contrast and clarity you could only imagine. This was even better than on the photographic plates.
Then, swinging the scope higher to zenith, I got Jupiter again in sight with her moons skirting her and I can imagine how easily it may have been for the early powered astronomers to have guessed that the necklace of light were the Jovian moons. I was also able to get sight of a few globular clusters which were near the moon and bright enough to be viewed through the thin equatorial cloud layers.
Tonight, there should be opportunity to get the Trifid Nebula (M20) again, and hopefully the others like Barnard's galaxy etc.

What We Gain From The Gym

Last week, just before National Day (9 August 2008 for Singaporeans), I hesitated to hit the gym downtown. The reason being that the afternoon "crowd" had a certain fancy - as if a certain type of brood of male archetypes dominate the scene - and these were "muscle Mary" types who were highly narcissitic, were browsers (they were always looking around) and tended to have very unfriendly stares (possibly from testosterone and anabolic overdose). Any way, I felt the urge too strong and found myself doing a good full body work out which was not too indulgent, ensuring I would be injury-free for my personal training sessions with Chris Ong. As I was leaving, a particular guy got my attention and I boldly gave him my number to call. I left the gym and got about two blocks away to get my car from the Grand Hyatt car park and as I was about to start the car and move off (home? or Sentosa?), I receive an SMS and it's from this cool guy. It turns out he's teacher at a local primary school located North-east Singapore. I invite him to take time off the gym and head with me to the beach at Sentosa, then dinner at VivoCity. After some persuasion, he agrees and I divert to fetch him. It turns out to be a very pleasant meeting and lovely late afternoon at the sea side, with a warm and pleasant time just conversing and exchanging ideas. We have dinner instead at HarbourFront, and I send him home on the long drive North via the CTE and Ang Mok Kio Avenue 5 to Sengkang's Riverdale. During our conversation, I talked about setting up new alignments in my life, which included being more spontaneous in making friends and making more effort to keep them. His response was a direct suggestion, "Go to the gym more often." It should have sounded cryptic, but I think he was simply factual - if you wanted to hook up with a certain type of crowd of people with simlar likes, hang out at the right places is a good place to start. The thing is, the crowd at the gym in town is not quite the sort I would get glued to for long, and they are at best too superficial. But reflecting back at the crowd we get at the private health clubs, it would be much more refreshing. For that reason, I have enjoyed seeing the hotel guests trudge in and out of the club, as they add flavour and short-term variety. I guess it depends on what you like and what you shop for! I suspect we might stay in touch for a while, and maybe see each other again on Teacher's Day.

Friday, August 01, 2008

TIME TO TRY AGAIN - TRI-TRAINING

I picked up the August and July 2008 editions of the US "Triathlete magazine", and found myself inspired again to put on those running shoes, dip into the pool at horrid hours for laps, and, peering through the glass windows of bike stores to note the new and fancy designs that beg to be brought home and ridden on. Here's the first paragraph of the editorial from Mitch Thrower (mthrower@triathletemag.com) in the July 2008 issue (page 20), which succinctly expresses my own state of mind about the sport and its place in my life then (2005) and now: "THE BEST SHAPE OF YOUR LIFE One of the greatest things about being a triathlete is that you can swim, bike, run and eat your way toward your own particular summit of absolute fitness. At some point on the journey to the peak of your personal athletic Everest, you will wake up in that special place you will call "the best share of my life." Your time there may be fleeting. Nudging externalities such as time, workload, family commitments, geography and health will sooner or later draw you away from this special place. But you'll be back." There are just some incredibly succinct truths in just that paragraph: 1. That at any point in your life, you can find your athletic Everest; 2. That like all summits, it is momentary, only that you will have other such moments again; and, 3. That whatever draws us away from triathlon training - not just the competitive events - we can take charge of our lives and pull ourselves back into it again. That was where I was in 2005 when I was not working (see my earlier blog entries), and this is where I am now (again), and trying to get some tri-training back into this life time.

BACK TO BLOGGING....

It has been two years since I last blogged on this site. A lot has happened since, of course. The gist will never do justice and it will be a while before I will able to get the course of events and happenings down. Since 2006, I had gone back to work and until very recently, gone back into taking a break from work. It seems erratic, but there are many factors at work. While we can try and respond in ways which fit a pattern of expected control, there are also ways to respond to these eventualities according to our deepest and most personal insights. Right or wrong remains to be debated, and even then, to some people, their measure depends on their own preferences and biases. "Taking a break now is great," some say to me while others put it more bluntly, "depends whether you can afford it or not" or just as pragmatic a thought: "better to get back to work, man!" I had to contemplate on this, a great deal, and the final decision is to use the first month for housekeeping and the second for re-alignment, and the third for cast the net wide and moving forward. Meanwhile, apart from the contemplation there is a need for me to get back to my sporting life, and there's enough material there for a few more blog entries...!

Jupiter & Its Moons - 31 July 2008

Last evening, as I was about to retire from a full day of activities, the pinky evening clouds cleared for a while and I could see Jupiter almost at zenith, in full brilliance. Just two weeks ago, I bought myself a Celestron Schmidt-Cassegrain NexStar 5 telescope. Now, the sky with Jupiter just above seemed too good an opportunity for me to let up and just head into bed...
So I quickly changed into jeans, packed the NexStar 5 into the car and drove down to a secluded car park at East Coast Park, set up the telescope and very quickly located Jupiter.
At 2325 hrs, this guy fulfilled a life long dream. When I was 11 I harboured my first interest in the night sky when my brother had pointed out the constellation Orion as we attended Midnight Mass at an open air section of church. Ever since then, I secretly fell in love with Astronomy and cosmology. I could not afford a telescope then, nor had the opportunity to even view the night sky through one... it was always with my binoculars, and unlike situations where families have backyard Newtonian telescopes in the US, this is just not the norm in cloudy and light-polluted Singapore. Even when the Singapore Science Centre observatory opened up, I had not found the time to "join the queue". When the time came around one Friday evening two weeks ago to do just that, I found myself speaking to founding members of the Singapore Astronomical Society and making the NexStar 5 my first investment into realising that dream.
So just imagine how I felt when I peered into the viewer and could make out Jupiter and five satellites in utter clarity. The five moons were like sparkling diamonds in an almost straight line around her, and after adjusting the focus further, I could even make out the two belts of Jovian clouds in its light orange hue.
It was an incredible moment for me, personally. I actually felt vindicated, for all the effort and perseverance, and just then a few other passer-bys, Terence and his pal Richard, came along and I let them view the Jovian system, to their utter amazement.
When I arrived back home about 1 am, and carried the instrument and tripod towards my flat, I noticed that the open arena next to my home had a stellar mosiac floor laid out into its centre. Just then the sky cleared again, and I could not resist but test how quickly I could set up the NexStar 5 up. I did it in seconds, amazingly and invited two youths nearby to take a peek. Will and Lynette peered in turns as I fine-tuned the focus for maximal clarity, and they were in turn just amazed as well.
It felt utterly good, having to share those great views of Jupiter and the Jovian moons. At present, the magnification I have is about 110X, which is maximum for my aperture and reflector, and for now, really terrific. I can't wait two weeks when the Moon comes back to the night side and is full... Time then for the moon filter to get used.

Jordan Tay Yong Ming - Unfinished Eden

Entry 18 May 2008 in MSN My Space. On 4 May 2008, at about 4.30 pm in the afternoon, I received a call from one of my guys, Jith: "Tom. Jordan had an accident this morning. He passed away." Few words of breaking news fail to leave one moved. This one was to rock my world inside out. The idea of getting this entry done is not to lay full tribute. (I am working on some memoirs separately, maybe for catharsis.) Jordan Tay was born to Charlie and Irene on 26 April 1983, and he left this world of toil and play on Sunday, 4 May 2008 in the early hours of the morning after a barbeque with friends. He was riding his dream motorbike - the Ducatti Monster - and in a TE Lawrence sort of way, died like Jimmy Dean, forever young and free. This is my favourite picture of Jordan. It was taken the award-winning photographer, Allen Myles from Australia and I had everything to do with this getting shot. http://www.allanmyles.com.au/ Jordan was helping me coordinate with the location sites and the advertising agency on the photography shoot for our new advertisement campaign scheduled for launch in November 2007. Early on a weekend (Sunday morning), he rode his Honda Wave from home down to help with the ground coordination. I don't remember him being particularly good about getting up early, so I knew how this sort of thing tormented him. I had the agency on the telephone, and spoke to Roy, the art director and told him, "Hey, Roy, take care of him, OK, and see that he's alright. Call me if anything. Oh, by the way, let's surprise him. When there's a break in between, can you please get Allen to shoot Jordan as he is, you know, relaxed and just real." Roy said, sure. Jordan did get his photos but I never saw them until he had already left my charge end March 2008. The truth is, I am having a really hard time dealing with his passing. In a nutshell, it was simply because he was just terrific as a person and I genuinely missed him. As his boss, it made sense for me to have a clean cut after the 11-months of mentoring, and 19 months of friendship at least, since mid-2006. He called me twice on Friday, 4 April in the afternoon. I saw the missed calls but thought to get back to him. I also overlooked his birthday when it came around on Saturday, 26 April but had plans to call him on Sunday, 4 May to arrange a meeting the following Tuesday, 6 May. I did not know even then that among his friends and ex-colleagues he had a barbeque planned on 1 May at SAFRA Country Club, Changi. I think it was great that he had a whole month free from work pressure and that gave him a chance to catch up with his friends. Jordan's brief life as I witnessed it is not tragic as if his sudden departure might want to mythologize. He had an extraordinary life and I don't plan to be his hagiographer. And he had a temperament or moods, and if he had his own temper and idiosyncrasies, I can claim to have seen and experienced it all. For 11 months, he came to work in the morning and left in the evening, and sometimes put in late hours and on weekends. I saw him happy with his mates and colleagues, and I also saw how hard he worked to get recognition from me, which I may have seemed selfishly witholding. Yet, to the end of this working relationship with me, at his final interview I threw him a few options and a lifeline. But he indicated he had made "other plans" and I was to respect that. With the end of this mentored relationship, I knew that I myself would need a time away completely, to formalise the end of that mentoring bond, and if I could after that, allow for the normalcy of friendship to resume and take precedence. Perhaps, even as a friend, and like an older brother who loved him, could provide some independent guidance, from a viewpoint that is one whom like him, understands what it means to struggle hard to get recognised. For I was without any formal higher education, and I knew that he looked up to me for that, setting my professional life as a model for himself. So, I felt it was too early to speak with him when he called on 4 April. As a result, my last memory of him was that of his tall, lanky frame standing in-between the office dividers, clutching his helmet and bag beneath his arms in his trademark stance. His body was turned to go, but he looked to me as I worked at my desk corner. he said: "Tom, I am going. Bye." I heard all his team mates wish him farewell. Inside, my heart was breaking. I hated that he was leaving and tomorrow morning he would not be here, like for the past 11 months, reporting for work. This is the freedom that separates, and is essential for either to grow. Like boats leaving the coast for the greater catch of the day. Many metaphors but none can convery the anxiety and anguish, the silent pain and ache that marks both ends and beginnings. At the corner of my eye, I saw him, and instinctively though I did not want to, my head nod slightly in acknowledgement. I had hoped he would take the lifeline offer and stayed on. But leaving was good for him, and for me, too. In another time, I would add to this list of entries why I loved this young man, and how he turned my own life magnificiently topsy-turvey. But it sufficed to say that we shared more than a common surname. He and I had specific loves and passion and these were like sailing routes old ships might take over and over again. When we spoke together as friend, son, brother, colleague or mentoree, we would traverse these same familiar lines over and over again. He was an idealised version of myself young and free-spirited, and I was perhaps the older idea of himself within a corporatized world. I had a great love for what he enjoyed and shared my own things with him about these - motorbiking, climbing, scuba diving, skating, music (Jack Johnson), and the whole gamut of discovery and knowledge, colour and style, and love of the outdoors. Jordan really wanted to help people. I put him as the guy to coordinate relief effort and our corporate community involvement projects and listed him to attend last year's Global Compact convention at the NVCC event in December 2007 at Suntec. One of his best moments shared with me, was when he told me about how he got into a conversation with his dad, Charlie, about the tough executive work he was doing and how much it mattered to him. Then he said, "My dad told him he was proud of me, and that I could do anything as long as I was happy." I was really glad for him that this happened. Because one of the things that really mattered to him, was making his father and his family proud of him. I was Jordan's boss. I loved him as a friend as even if he were like my own son, I loved his energy as his mentor and I often reminded him to stay the course; I loved him for his humility and humour as a colleague but most of all his perseverance and faithfulness. I loved him for his discretion and intelligence, even if this meant he was sometimes too headstrong or stubborn, but I loved the way he never gave up. I hope he has it in him to forgive me for letting up and letting off steam. I never targetted him per se, even if he sometimes felt like it. I explained myself objectively. And where I have been at fault, I always went back to my boys - Jordan included - to admit my failing and indicate what I would do to make it better. In the end, there was a great part of me which became Jordan. But I was proud of him because of the part of him that has always been aware of his own blessed nature and gifts. Today, even as I try to work out my grief and regrets, which follow very closely in the wake of my own deep loss of my best friend - my Mum in 8 February 2008 - and from the difficulty of wrangling myself from diving back into my work to numb the pain, I know that both my best friends have passed from this world into a greater peace, free from toil and mechanisms. Just last Friday, as I walked into the neighbourhood Cheers store to pick up some drinks before heading home, I felt the sharp pain and my heart race as I thought of Jordan now gone. My immediate thought, as I queued to pay for my purchase, was to run to my Mum's flat nearby, upstairs as we say, and tell her, "Ma, I just lost my friend." But right then, I felt a sharper arrow of truth pierce the very interior of my soul. My Ma was not to be around for me to pour this out and share my grief with her. Gone would be the solace and private comfort I could get. I felt horridly alone, and in abject pain. Now, it would be a long journey of self-discovery and healing, as if any land devasted by such calamity can so quickly recover. But I remember their love and the great peace I have always felt: like when I simply sat around my Mum and just her presence made me whole, or when Jordan lifted his left arm and placed his hand on my shoulder when comforting me about the loss of my mother. "Ah... That felt good, Jordan. Thanks." That was what I said to him at 10.15 pm that evening in March 2008, at the Somerset Road entrance to our workplace as we finished an evening of shopping, cigarettes and cool conversation. Thanks, Jordan.