What Last Thoughts Should Haunt (1989)

What last thoughts should haunt
“Think of those who mourn”
Greater deeds need be done
I am not necessarily the one.
At least I am I, who needs me
Wise, foolish, honest, free
My chimed and fluted symphony
One act to end all suddenly
My sorrow, joy, life, friends and toil
Are important but never as much the need
To fall
Out of the Frame of Life
And bleed.
Then, late understood
A glimpse to be Free
Silence, deafening of my plea.
Release Me.



22 August 1989
0043 hrs

I think everyone at some point thinks of, contemplates, the idea of ultimate control over one’s life, and that inevitably means, death. Can we determine the how, when (details), and the consequences. But it is ironic, because if one prefers death, then what follows as a result, and the order of arrangements, should not matter. I think, then, anyone who explores this, is crying out for affirmation, the symptom of something gravely missing in their human experience, whether we call it healing, completion or release.